Defending Santa

It was perhaps the saddest letter I had ever received.

After years of running a web site dedicated to the finer attributes of Christmas, the letter arrived as many do: addressed to Santa Claus.

It began like this:

Dear Santa,

I want to believe in you. I really do.

But you destroyed a most sacred trust – the trust between me and my mother. When I was seven, she shared with me the truth that you are not real.

How conflicted I was! I grew up thinking you were out there, interested in me, worried about me. I thought you were real. Losing you was like losing a loved one.

When the truth was presented to me I felt a part of me die. I realized over time that I wasn’t mourning you. I was mourning the violation of the trust I had with my mother. After all, if you were not real, maybe she wasn’t really my mom either.

That is how much I loved you.

And now, through this web site, you’re back in my life. In a small way, the magic I felt about you those many years ago as a child has returned. I enjoy the humor I see here and relish the warmth of those who participate. But it is ringing hollow for me. You’re not real. You never were and you never will be.

Whoa.

I wrote back to the lady who composed these words but I never got a return reply. It has left me to wonder just what was done in her childhood to make the loss of Santa Claus such a significant event.

What was she told about him while yet a girl? How involved was her mother in her play? Was Santa used against her to compel good behavior, as many do? And how was she told? Why seven years old? Why not later? Why not earlier?

These questions remain unanswered but they highlight the many concerns that parents have about the issue of Santa Claus with their children.

Running such a high-profile web site advocating Santa Claus brings out the loonies some times. I get accused of being a fraud to children. Santa is called just about every name in the book. But what the critics fail to recognize in the presentation of Santa Claus on these pages is that my admiration of the man stems not from what he has become in society but what he has always been in my heart.

And now, as a father to seven children, I too am faced with the Santa dilemma. How do I balance what is right and real against what is false and misleading about Santa Claus?

First we must reconcile the facts:

Children of today – not unlike we were as children – deal well with fantasy. In fact, between books, movies, television and video games, the world of pretend is alive in the minds of our kids. What is wrong in engaging in pretend with them? How many parents, for example, have read Harry Potter with their kids? Children love it when adults can transcend to that level of play and pretend.

With that thought in mind, here are some things to remember as you manage Santa Claus in the lives of your children:

1. Draw parallels to your own childhood when talking about Santa.

I have regaled my children with stories of Santa in my youth while around the Christmas tree many times. With most kids, this is a serious connection – a common bond. Santa is a powerful influence in the societies of our children and they need to see it is okay and meets your approval – even if they suspect Santa is not real. Explain that even today you like to pretend that Santa is on his way every Christmas Eve, just as you did when you were a child.

2. Teach them the history of Santa Claus – remind them that he was a man.

Sooner or later, they’re going to ask for the truth and the best answer is the straight one – no matter how old they are when the question surfaces. It is a sad day in the lives of most parents but it need not be. If part of your Christmas tradition includes a telling of the story of Santa Claus – the real parts – then dealing with the pretend will not be such a shock. When that day does come, explain that pretending about Santa helps to remind us of just what our part in the season’s celebrations should be.

3. Explain the reason behind the good things Santa did.

Santa is known for good and evil the world over. Your kids need to see the practical reasons why you appreciate Santa Claus and why he is “good” to you. Emphasize those attributes you admire and engage in “playing Santa” as much as possible so they can feel the benefit of exhibiting those attributes themselves.

4. Keep one foot in reality as you pretend.

Just because Superman can fly doesn’t mean we should be jumping off roofs with our kids. It is okay to limit Santa and Christmas. Santa, as a real person, has real problems just like the rest of us. He doesn’t have an endless supply of money, just a big heart that is happy to see others happy.

5. Explain Santa in the context of religion.

The man who we credit with being Santa Claus was a famous Bishop. Though he lived in a different time than we do he carried a serious conviction of Jesus Christ. There is no reason why we can’t or shouldn’t be more like Santa in this way.

But kids need to see Santa as just man. That’s all. He celebrates the birth of Jesus in his fun and unique way. But it is still an observance of something far greater than Santa. There is a lesson there for all of us.

6. Do not allow Santa to be mocked.

As American society matured during the 20th century, so too did the reputation of Santa Claus. For many of us, we grew up seeing Santa drink Coca Cola and eat Wheaties.

The curious thing is that in the pre-Industrial age of our country Christmas was not a season of commercial excess. Manufacturers and retailers struggled with the Christmas season because back then it was indeed a religious and family holiday. To encourage seasonal excess would have made a mockery of Jesus Christ back when the season was really all about Jesus – and that would have been bad for business indeed.

But thanks to the popular poem by Clement C. Moore, the drawings of Thomas Nast and the technology of improved media distribution, industry found a safe pitchman for seasonal excesses. And Santa has certainly been abused in that capacity.

Be opinionated with your children when you see Santa doing something in an advertisement or in entertainment that you think the real Santa – the Bishop of Myra – would never do. When Santa is portrayed well, say so – applaud it loudly (if you can find it). Where is he depicted poorly, denounce it.

In my house, Santa is as real as he can get. It is a great season of play, pretend and elevating our behavior with each other by trying to be a little like Santa Claus.

We often ask, would Jesus believe in Santa – the real Santa?

We think He would. He was as decent a person as most of us hope to ever become.